ScreenCrush’s film critic called Dolittle “a cinematic Frankenstein’s monster of poop jokes, fart jokes, itchy butt jokes, talking animals, wonky CGI, and Robert Downey Jr. going so big and broad he makes Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow look like an introvert.”

So that’s, like, bad.

And we were naturally curious whether other critics agreed. They did. Dolittle, starring Robert Downey Jr. as the famous doctor of books and films who can talk to animals, is currently at 14 percent on Rotten Tomatoes — lower than Cats, the infamous flop from late last year that scored a 20 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

Jus how bad is Dolittle? Here’s a sampling of the funniest of the first wave of reviews. There are a few positive ones out there — Richard Lawson of Vanity Fair called it “perfectly okay” — but the vast majority go like this. (If you’re feeling brave, Dolittle opens in theaters this Friday.)

Manohla Dargis, The New York Times:

At some point during its troubled gestation, the movie once known as ‘The Voyage of Doctor Dolittle’ was renamed ‘Dolittle.’ Was ‘voyage’ too fusty, ‘doctor’ too fancy? Whatever the case, it’s too bad that the rest of this movie couldn’t have been ditched as well, or at least dramatically shortened.

Bilge Ebiri, Vulture:

Failure this thorough has a virulent effect that reaches beyond one mere film; it makes you question the cinematic form itself. ‘Is this thing uniquely bad, or did movies always suck and I’m just now realizing it?’ was an actual thought that briefly passed through my head.

Michael Gingold, Birth.Movies.Death.:

The 1967 Doctor Dolittle was also a troubled, costly failure, so you could say this one is following in a classic tradition.

Rafer Guzman, Newsday:

 ‘Dolittle’ has its moments, but those are few and far between. On the bright side, at least nobody tries to sing.

Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune:

Trades charm for noise, and wit for a climactic dragon colonoscopy (don’t ask, don’t tell).

Germain Lussier, io9:

Just when I thought Dolittle couldn’t get any less funny or idiotic, Robert Downey Jr. sticks his arms up a dragon’s asshole. And I do mean that literally.

Kirsten Acuna, Insider:

The dragon teased in the film’s trailers looks so much like a Smaug rip-off from “The Hobbit” films that I’d be surprised if the Tolkien estate doesn’t come knocking.

Hoai-Tran Bui, /Film:

One of the most perplexing twists from the film is that Banderas, who is 5 years older than Downey Jr., is playing his father-in-law. It’s the equivalent of Russell Crowe calling Tom Cruise a young man in The Mummy.

Leah Greenblatt, Entertainment Weekly:

[Downey’s] Scottish accent is perhaps more festive, though it wends its own strange journey in the film, occasionally veering into something sort of…Jamaican?

Hannah Lodge, The Beat:

Maybe the animals could understand what Downey’s Dolittle was saying, but I sure couldn’t.

Derek Smith, Slant:

Like the CGI animals that inhabit much of the film, Dolittle is flashy and colorful on the outside but dead behind the eyes.

Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times:

If I could talk to the animals, I’d say one thing: Please make it stop.

Gallery — The Worst Razzie Nominees in History:





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